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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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I get there, and it’s packed! The atmosphere is electric. I’m yelling, cheering, and just getting into it. But then, the other team scores. I’m fuming! I’m like, “No way! That was a foul!” But the ref doesn’t care. Typical, right?

'Couldn’t be more proud': School dance crew take top title